Your Relationships Are a Mirror
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I struggled with relationships for most of my life—not just romantically, but platonically too. I poured my heart into connections that never seemed to work out, and after a while, I started to wonder: Am I just destined to be alone?
It wasn’t just bad luck. After enough failed relationships, I internalized the belief that love wasn’t meant for me. That maybe, no matter how hard I tried, I just wasn’t lovable.
For years, this belief shaped my reality leading to heartbreak after heartbreak. But eventually, I learned that it was never the truth, but instead, a reflection of the way I had been loved in the past.
It wasn’t until I questioned these beliefs and healed the wounds beneath them that I was able to attract the healthy, loving relationships I desired. And the single most powerful realization that changed everything for me was this: our relationships mirror our own self-worth.
The way people treat us, the types of relationships we attract, and the patterns we repeat aren’t random. They are deeply tied to the way we love ourselves and what we have learned to subconsciously believe we deserve.
This is why two people can experience love so differently with one feeling deeply cherished, while another constantly feels unworthy, unseen, or neglected. The difference is their beliefs about love and, ultimately, the experiences that shaped these beliefs.
Why We Attract the Same Pain Over and Over
Our subconscious beliefs about love are formed in childhood.
The way we were nurtured, or neglected, by our caregivers creates a blueprint for what we believe love is. If we were raised by emotionally unavailable, critical, or inconsistent caregivers, we might internalize beliefs like:
“Love has to be earned.”
“I am difficult to love.”
“I have to prove my worth to be loved.”
These beliefs shape our adult relationships in powerful ways and might cause us to:
Push away people who love us well because it feels unfamiliar.
Chase after people who don’t love us well, trying to “win” their love.
Settle for relationships that mirror the pain of our past, because they feel normal.
This is why so many people find themselves in cycles of unhealthy relationships, wondering why they keep attracting the same type of partners. It’s not because they consciously want pain, but instead, it’s because their subconscious mind is drawn to what is familiar.
The Hardest Truth About Healing
Realizing this changed everything for me.
For the longest time, I saw myself as a victim of my relationships when I was hurt by people who couldn’t love me the way I needed. But when I looked deeper, I saw the role I played too.
I wasn’t just a passive recipient of mistreatment. I was allowing it. I was drawn to it. I was repeating the patterns I had learned in childhood, recreating old wounds in an attempt to heal them.
It’s important to note that this wasn’t about blame; it was about empowerment. Because if I had the power to attract unhealthy relationships, then I also had the power to learn to attract healthy ones.
And this all eventually led to a very crucial realization: It was never about getting someone else to love me better. It was about learning to love myself better.
You Don’t Need to Prove Your Worth to Anyone
Healing meant unlearning everything I thought I knew about love.
I had to stop seeking validation from people who were never capable of giving it. I had to stop believing that if I just tried harder, proved myself more, or became “better”, then someone would finally love me the way I wanted to be loved.
Love doesn’t work that way.
You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. You don’t have to convince someone to love you. The love you seek has always been inside of you. It’s just waiting for you to recognize it.
How to Attract the Love You Deserve
Every person we meet offers us an opportunity to love ourselves deeper. Sometimes, that means learning to receive love. Other times, it means having the courage to walk away from people who don’t treat us well.
To attract the love you deserve, you must:
Set boundaries: stop fearing the loss of people who aren’t meant for you.
Speak up about your needs: you deserve relationships where your voice matters.
Let go of unhealthy patterns: healing means no longer chasing what hurts you.
Learn to receive love: if you push away people who treat you well, ask yourself why.
But most importantly, love yourself the way you wish to be loved. Because when you do, you’ll stop settling for anything less.
At the end of the day, the love you’ve been seeking, the feeling of being seen, valued, and cherished, was never something you had to find in someone else. It was inside of you all along. You don’t need someone to recognize your worth for it to exist, and you don’t need someone to love you for you to be lovable. You just need to see it yourself.
And once you do, the right people will too.
With love,
Gabrielle N.
P.S. If you’re struggling to understand a connection in your life, whether it’s why you feel drawn to someone, why certain patterns keep repeating, or what lesson this relationship is teaching you, my Love Connection Tarot Readings can offer deeper clarity and insight. Sometimes, the answers we seek aren’t found on the surface but in the energy beneath it. You can learn more or book a reading here. 💛
